A Title Eludes Me

There is a reason I am a solo mom that goes beyond my overall contentment with my unfettered status, unwillingness to subject my children to the vagaries of my personal life, and plain old fashioned commitment issues. The fact of the matter is, I'm just not good at the whole dating thing

True story: When The Man I Didn't Marry called and asked me out on our first date, my response was, "Gosh, I'd love to go to the movies on Saturday, but I don't get paid until next week." Seriously. And that is still a step up from the time a couple years earlier when one of the very cute, very popular, very out of my league boys in my class asked me on a date. That time my answer was, "Why? Is this some kind of a trick?" Because I am smooth like that. (Needless to say, Mr Popular and I did not end up going out.)

All this ancient history is to illustrate the fact that even back when dating was supposed to be easy--before I had kids and when most men my age were not yet married--the whole mating dance was a bit complicated for me. And now? What used to be a simple shuffle around the dance floor might as well be competitive ballroom dancing. Even if you do find an attractive single man, exactly how do you go about letting him know you're interested without devolving into Creepy Neighbour Guy territory? The mere thought of it is exhausting enough to make another season spent with Grey's Anatomy reruns seem like a perfectly delightful way to spend your evenings.

So, I've been dateless for a long, loooong time. And it's really been ok, because it's not like there's been anyone around that I'd consider dating anyway. Not since the Cute Blockbuster Guy moved away, that is.

Back in the Spring of 2004, I rented a lot of videos from Blockbuster. A lot. The variety store on the corner had pretty much the same selection at a better price, but Blockbuster had The Cute Guy, which made it worth the longer walk and higher rental fees so far as I was concerned. For a few months that year Diva Girl and I made regular trips to the video store--she rented her way through the Mary Kate and Ashley oeuvre, and I danced around with The Cute Guy, waiting for him to ask me if I wanted to get a cup of coffee sometime. Then he got transferred, Sabrina started getting her Olsen Twin fix from the library, and we never did have that coffee. It was kind of a bummer, but not the end of the world; I had Regan, life went on, and I filed the Cute Blockbuster Guy under "Roads Not Taken."

Until this week. This week, four years and a preschooler later, I ran into the Cute Blockbuster Guy. He's not the Cute Blockbuster Guy anymore, though; now he's the Cute North By Northwest Guy. But he's still cute. And funny. And just...I don't know. I just know that there's still something about him that makes me, Captain Oblivious, sit up and take notice. Something that makes me want him to notice me.

But it's complicated. Heck, it was complicated back when Diva Girl and I were hanging out at the Blockbuster, so how much more complicated is it when I'm buying teeny Crocs for my younger daughter? The one who didn't even exist the last time we flirted over a cash register. Spark or no spark (and I feel the need to point out here that he recognized me, too), is it really worth it to dig out my dancing shoes at this late stage in the game, or should I just curl up on the couch with my bunny slippers and hope there's something good on TV this season?

Comments

Everyone's dancing shoes need a twirl now and again.

So. What's the worst thing that could happen if you go for it?

Who knows?

And if you don't?

You'll never know, will you.

So what's keeping you from asking HIM out?

Wait, what am I saying? I want you all for myself. Never mind.

Ask him if he has kids, as a warm-up, if you're buying something for the girls. If he does, ask "what does your wife do?" They answer will either be "She's a..." or "I'm not married."

Follow-up there is "are you single then?" or something.

If he doesn't have kids, maybe ask him if he'd like to join you & yours for an ice cream sundae or something simple. If he does a "thanks but no thanks," oh well. If he does, you're GOLDEN!

Going by the wedding ring test, he's single. But the bare ring finger makes it even more complicated--"do you have a girlfriend" is a sentence I think I would choke on. And feel soooo high school while doing it.

As to the joining me with The Ladies, that's a big ole no. He seems great with kids; that's not the problem. But I think 8 and 3 are a wee bit young to be dating.

So complicated. I think I have a better chance at understanding string theory. Or why George is suddenly the superstud of Seattle Grace.

I say go for it! You only go around once in life, you might as well take a chance and see what happens. Hey, he recognized you, so I think he's already interested. Best of luck to you!

Maybe you can invite him to the fireworks Wednesday.

I do so totally agree with you ~ I am a solo mom (a much more cooler term than single mom) of a 13 old. I never dated well when I was younger ~ now it's darn near impossible to find someone that lights up my dials and who doesn't find me and my quirks totally annoying.

On the rare occasion I have gone out on a date, I prefer the blunt route ~ "hey, wanna grab a cup of coffee?" works for me. That way I have an out if he says he has a wife or girfriend. I can respond with "of course, and she is welcome to join us."

Good luck to you ~ I think you should go for it.

Now with all of us here saying "Go for it," what are you going to do?... Just know that you're hot, smart, lovely, deserve the Best...
Fireworks?....

I think it's high time you got those dancing shoes dusted off for a test run. I get the whole him and kids thing, I really do. But he's not going to take the kids out for a first date hon. It'll be you and only you out for the coffee. And no hiding behind the kids for an excuse. They are smart, adaptable, fantastic young ladies that need mom to be an adult sometimes too. You're not asking the guy to marry you for pete's sake. Go for a walk somewhere, grab a coffee. The weather's perfect right now for a friendship to blossom. Good luck with whatever way you go. But go nonetheless

oh I know! I wouldnt even know how to flirt these days! Got so out of practice, I'm thinking about taking a little shop job just so I can talk to people and get some practice!