School's Out

So, Summer Vacation is here for another year, and not a moment too soon. The crayons are all broken, the markers are streaky, and the endless possibility of first page of a brand new notebook has given way to the finality of stories written on crumpled, stained pages.

Part of this ennui stems with my growing dissatisfaction with Diva Girl's school, brought to a head by the Great Playground Kerfuffle of '07, but I think the fact that I've been working pretty much full time since switching to Gramma Daycare also plays a role. The simple fact is, I'm burnt out. I don't know how you all do it--balancing the soccer games and the dance classes and the Brownie meetings with the homework and the healthy dinners, all while working full time. All that shlepping around is exhausting, and I can't say that I'm sorry to have one less thing on my plate (although I will miss the paycheque). What with swimming lessons and summer camp set to begin next week, I suppose I haven't really lessened the load much, but knowing that I don't have to get up at 6 am to bus to one school or another in addition to taking The Ladies to their various activities certainly makes it feel like less work on the horizon.

I've been thinking a lot about work this week, staring at the box on my supply teacher renewal form that asks if I'm interested in a full time assignment and wondering if I'm going to check it or not. On the one hand, it's nice to have a stable paycheque. But it's also nice to set my own hours and to be able to take the day off to supervise a fieldtrip or to take Diva Girl on a special outing. I've really been thinking about this since someone insinuated that by choosing to continue to work as a supply teacher, I am not doing enough to support my kids. It's left me wondering if that's true, if my children are being shortchanged because I'm comfortable with the fact that I don't have a full time teaching job right now.

There are some very good reasons why I work as a substitute teacher, starting with the fact that there simply aren't jobs in my area right now. If I wanted a full time teaching gig, my only choice would be to move to another city which in turn means uprooting my daughters and taking them away from the support network--in particular their grandparents--that forms a major part of their lives. I'm not convinced that the benefits of a fulltime job--even if they do include dental--outweigh Saturday night dinners with Grandma or the luxury of having Grampa pick Diva Girl up from school on rainy days. Especially in light of the fact that even though school is only in session from 8-2, those aren't the only hours a teacher works. When you've got your own class, there's the planning, the marking, the meetings and co-curriculars to think about; as a supply teacher, I work 8-2 and come home with energy and time to devote to my children, not my work load. To be honest, I don't know if there would be Brownies and Soccer and Dance Classes if I had to work in marking and planning too--I'm just not that good at multitasking.

I suppose I could quit teaching, find a different job that doesn't require the same out of office commitment, but I won't. For one thing, it's hard to beat the pay/work ratio of a substiiute teacher. Sure some days are hard, and some classes are more work than others, but for the most part, it's a pretty good situation. I only really need to work between 10-12 days a month to keep our bank account at a comfortable level, and now that I've spent this past year remaking my reputation after an extended hiatus, I'm pretty confident that most months that won't be a problem. The other reason I won't trade in my chalk holder for a nametag isn't based on financial considerations, but I think it's at least equally important in the decision making process: I love my job. I love teaching. It's my thing. And I think it's important for The Ladies to grow up seeing me do the thing I love, not just trudging off to work each day because that's what I do to pay the rent.

And I ask myself, isn't supporting my children more than just supplying them with things anyway? Isn't the time I spend with them, my availability for gluing glitter, rolling playdoh, or reading a book important too? Doesn't my responsibility to nurture my children extend beyond making sure they are fed and clothed? The way things are now, The Ladies have enough--a nice apartment, nutritious food, pretty clothes, and fun toys (not to mention Brownies and swimming and soccer and dance class and camp)--and they have me. If I check that box, will it upset the balance? Will we find a new balance that allows us to enjoy the fruits of my increased labours, or will we slog through our days, wishing for more time and fewer toys?

I don't know the answer. I don't think anyone really does. What I do know is that with no more pencils and no more books, just a couple months of swimming lessons, summer camp, and soccer games, I've got the luxury of enjoying some serious time with my daughters while I try to figure it out.

Comments

The less you MUST work, the better is how I see it.

You don't get a do over with them-they're here right now, and soon, they won't want you anywhere near them. You can work "full time" later. We catch the same shit with my husband working part time. We CHOOSE to put the kids before $$$$. Because we have decided one is more important that the other.

If I only had to work 10-12 days, I'd be ALLL over that action.

And the rest of us do it with a spouse to yell at, but it's just as hard, if not more, because we have someone to glare at. :)

I understand the burnt out feeling, and I'm a sah/homeschooling mom. I think if you love your job, it's only normal to give it all you have, which leaves you a little worn out.

Take some time, enjoy your time with your daughters and make the decision based on what you WANT to do, not what you feel you HAVE to do.

Best of luck!

Wow, Diva Girl is a major cutie (just like her mom).

I say you're a fantastic mother. It's obvious from everything you write here. Don't change a thing unless you absolutely have to. Quality time with the girls is more important than most anything else.

Part time all the way. If I could make ends meet working PT I would in a second!

I've been thinking about the topic of work, and how much of it I want to do, a lot recently. It sounds to me as if you have a pretty ideal situation. I know that for myself, moving away from a good support network for a job would be pretty unlikely, because what good is having a job if you are spending a bunch of time worrying about what might happen.

It's a pretty good trade-off. If you were to switch to another full time job that you didn't love as much, it's unlikely that it wouldn't have take-home work anyway. It seems like everything has expected out-of-hours work now.

The girls must love having that extra time with you!

I am not a single mother but with my husbands work its more or less like that-with no one to help my children i have 2 kids 6 & 9 it becomes tough to manage full time job, but sadly there are less opportunties for part timers in India, but i completely empathise with what you are going thru and you are not alone

Recently migrated to the United States where I have little family or friends. I have a 14mth old. I would like to start attending college this summer, but i need to maintain a full-time job to pay my bills. Its all so frustrating to me. How am I going to do it all while mainting a healthy relationship with my daughter?