Ch...Ch...Ch...Changes
Diva Girl, not surprisingly, does not do well with change. It's not that she's not an adaptable kid--I think that the children of single parents are, by necessity, adaptable--but she's too high strung to simply roll with the punches. She likes to know the structure of things, especially new, unfamiliar things. What it will be like, how things will work, those sorts of things. And when a monkey wrench gets thrown into the works, it can often be cause for a meltdown.
This week Diva Girl has been hurled headlong into the unknown. She's at a strange school, auditioning for an exciting arts based program. It's a perfect fit for her, and somewhat of a rarity in today's educational climate: a full curriculum supplemented and enhanced by a strong focus on the arts. Unfortunately, due to funding constraints, it's also a very exclusive program--only a third of the applicants will be accepted.
That's a lot of pressure for an eight year old. Especially for one who doesn't traditionally do well under pressure.
I struggled this year with the decision to allow her to try out for this school. I wasn't sure if Diva Girl could handle the higher stakes expectations in an unfamiliar environment. Even though the process is workshop based, I wondered how she'd deal with the unavoidable feeling of competition. And, obviously, I agonized over willfully exposing her to such potential for rejection. Could I subject my daughter to that kind of disappointment? Should I?
Diva Girl has come a long way this year, and I wondered if it was fair to disrupt all of that progress just for the possibility of success. Particularly when that success would mean leaving behind all the social gains she's made and starting fresh at a new school. I also questioned if I was interested in this program for the right reasons; was it the fabulous opportunity for my daughter that was the driving force behind this decision, or was it simply parental ego--a desire to feel special because my daughter was in The Program. Who would be getting more out of this experience, her, or me?
It's when struggling with questions like these that I really feel the weight of single parenthood. How much easier it would be to have someone else equally invested in the situation to weigh in with an opinion. I might still make the wrong choice, but at least I wouldn't have to shoulder all of the blame.
In the end, I let Diva Girl's enthusiasm decide for me. After talking about the pros and cons, the exciting possibilities of the program, the necessity of leaving her friends behind, the competitive nature of the selection process, and the 3:1 odds against getting in, she still really wanted to give it a shot. She understood that maybe (probably) she wouldn't make it, but that didn't stop her from wanting to try. How could I say no to that?
I tried not to let Diva Girl see my swirling emotions this morning as I sent her off with a friend to brave this new challenge on her own. I was more than a little proud og my big girl, but at the same time, I couldn't help being nervous about how my baby would handle it. I did the best that I could, reminding her that all I really expected from her was to try her best, and, more importantly, to have fun. Her beaming smile and bouncing enthusiasm as the car pulled out of the driveway went a long way towards erasing my fears, so I felt doubly unprepared when my phone rang and the woman on the other end identified herself as the selection coordinator for the school.
Immediately, my heart started pounding and my brain started throwing out worst case scenarios. It was only ten am. Diva Girl had only been at the school for half an hour. What could have possibly gone wrong already? Was it too much for her? Was she hurt? Sick? Had she even arrived at all? The possibilities were endless. And terrifying.
Turns out she was fine. Just early. Very, very early. Apparently I'd been careless when I wrote her workshop dates on the calendar. Oops.
I expected there to be tears over this mix up. In fact, given her usual reaction to this kind of stress (not that I routinely send my kid to the wrong place on the wrong day) , I expected Diva Girl to have dissolved in a writhing, sobbing mess. I did not expect her to be happily making the best of a bad situation, helping the coordinator with various odd jobs while she waited to be picked up. And I really didn't expect that she would use the opportunity to sell the woman a box of Girl Guide cookies!
My daughter may not like change, but she's certainly changing.
Comments
Congrats to Diva Girl! It is such a great feeling when your child exceeds your expectations like that.
How exciting this is. Best of luck to her.
She sure sounds ready to tackle the challenge of a new school. And sell cookies at the same time!
she's got u as a guide!she learns quickly the ways of the world.
