I Blame the Gods
Everyone knows the story of Pandora, the nosy girl who just couldn't resist peeking in the box and thereby releasing misfortune into the world. And hope. Not everyone knows, however, that there are two schools of thought on that hope. On the one hand, there's the argument that that hope was the mitigating gift, meant to soften the blow of the evil the gods had allowed to be released into the world. That's the version that I was taught in fourth grade, and the version I believed in until university, where my Mythology professor opened my eyes to an alternative interpretation. According to many scholars, hope is, in fact, the ultimate evil--the kicker that really drives home the gods' punishment by allowing man to delude himself that there are options and possibilities outside of the pain and misery of life.
I'm of the second school of thought. You see, I am, at heart, an unwilling optimist.
I want to be a pessimist. I want to just accept that the world sucks, that I will never get what I want, and move on, safe and comfortable with that knowledge. I don't want to take that leap of faith into the scary unknown of possibility and possible heartbreak. And yet, I find myself jumping off of that particular cliff over and over again, no matter how many times I land like Wile E. Coyote at the bottom.
In a classic case of "be careful what you wish for," we got The Letter today. She didn't get in.
I knew that that was a possibility. Heck, I knew that it was a probability. And yet, once again, I found myself seduced by hope. At the start of this process, I absolutely refused to entertain the possibility. But, as time went on, hope snuck up on me and beguiled me with its charms. Without my ever realizing it, my attitude began to change and I began to dream about her acceptance letter and the ways that that would change our family. I began to hope.
And then landed flat in reality again with a few impersonal lines written on school stationary.
It's not the end of the world. I actually quite like Sabrina's school. It's got some great programs, such as instrumental music, an award winning choir, and a specialist for a gym teacher as part of a truly outstanding staff. It's both ethnically and economically diverse, which I don't think the other school would be, at least not to the same extent. I have always been impressed by the sheer variety of normal there is at this school--welfare kids mingle with the children of university professors and the family dynamics run the gamut from nuclear and step to solo and gay, each one accepted as having the same value as any other within the strong school community. Of any of the dozens of schools in the city, this is the one I'd choose for my daughter.
And yet it stings me, that this other school did not choose her. That they did not see her value and invite her to be a part of their community. I understand that it is not personal and that their decision in no way reflects on Diva Girl's value as a person, but....the niggling questions are there. Questions without answers. Questions that don't need to be asked, because even if there are answers at this point they are irrelevant. Questions my daughter will ask when I tell her the news.
And how do I tell her? How do I do it without dashing her hope and making her wonder what's wrong with her, why didn't they pick her? Those were the thoughts racing through my head as I walked to school after opening the letter. There's no section on dealing with Baby's First Rejection Letter in the parenting books; I'm on my own here.
When I break the news, her lip quivers for a minute and her eyes film with tears. I brace for the torrent ahead while internally I berate myself for ever setting us up for this kind of disappointment. And then, Diva Girl rallies.
"Did I at least get on the waiting list?"
"Yes, but..."
"Ok. Well that's good."
Hope truly does spring eternal. Much like that coyote.
Comments
Oh, that's too bad! But I think it's a good thing that Diva Girl has hope (fie on that college professor!), or at least isn't utterly wrecked by it. It can be so difficult to know how to react to these kinds of things, as a parent.
Bummer. I admire her optimism, though. Bounced back like a champ.
The last line of your first paragraph may need to become my new personal quote. However, I did enjoy how you fretted in the most angsty way over hope biting you in the ass and how it would surely affect your daughter. Then . . . she took it in stride. :) Yippee!! A happy ending afterall. Life does indeed suck the hope right out of you - but at least it takes a while.
Hey, teh waiting list. You know, I had a law school spot I didn't take and someone on the waiting list there got it. You never know what may open up.
Yeah, I'm an optimist too. I have to balance out Hawk.
Diva girl pulls another surprise out of her hat, good on her for the optimistic approach, and good on you too. Will now attempt to uncross my fingers, which could be challenging due to a couple of weeks of keeping them crossed for you guys.
Oooh good on her for not taking it to heart =) And really, what would the world be like if none of us had any hope?
Yay Diva Girl! It's amazing what little life lessons are learned in the most surprising areas. And how growing up can happen in such small amounts.
It sounds like two ways to win. She wins if she gets to go to the arts school. And she wins if she gets to stay at her current great school. Always hopeful . . .
just give up on the world...
...oh wait, nevermind that's what TOOOO many people do today. Good for you for feeling like things will always work out. I wish I was like that!
- Jon
- Daddy Detective
- www.daddydetective.com
There is a phrase someone told me once that took me a quite a while to really process, and that phrase is - 'life is empty and meaningless'.
It isn't until we add our own meaning to it, by events that unfold in our lives, that we fill our life with either optimism or pessimism, we get to choose. I believe that hope and possibility are the link that enables us to choose optimism even in the most difficult of circumstances.
Your daughter sounds like she is in touch with this link and is looking at a glass half-full!! (I bet she got that outlook from you...)
Best of luck to her!
Robin Ogden
http://www.firedupcareers.com
Mmmm... I just ate THE BEST chocolate chip cookie I think that I've ever had (delicious recipe AND cooked perfectly). AND it came from our cafeteria. Go figure.
I work in a hospital. The food is usually crap.
wow, sorry she didn't get the acceptance letter. She did a fantastic job though with the news. Lately I've been struggling with the boy's "over sensitivity". ugh. I'm glad you two have such a fantastic school to begin with. The blow of "unacceptance" doesn't seem so harsh when she's already happy where she is.
you have taught your daughter a valuable skill... the art of coping. she will do well in life if she will learn to roll with the punches and embrace what life throws at her. you should follow in her example. You have a bright girl who is about to embark on an incredible journey... don't waste the future worrying about yesterday.
I often read your blog and do enjoy it, as I did this post as well. I relate to many of the things you go through with your girls. However, I think the term "welfare kids" is an insensitive term to describe innocent children who have no control of how much money their parents make. I think a better use of words would have been children of diverse economical backgrounds, or something of the like. Nonetheless, I do see the point you were getting at. Congratulations on bringing up such a wonderful girl. I think that teaching your children how to cope with rejection is one of the toughest issues that we face as parents. Just remember when one door closes, another one opens up, or however it is the saying goes.
Candice, I understand your point. But, since my kid has been, at various points in our life, one of the "welfare kids," I'm going to respectfully disagree. I don't think "diverse economic backgrounds" really captures the reality of "the government pays my rent (barely)"
