Technically, She's Not Even a Toddler Anymore

I'm still wrapping my head around the fact that my Zen Baby is 3.

It's similar to the same sort of "where did the time go?" wonderment that I felt when Diva Girl turned 8, but tinged with a sense that every single one of those 1095 days were hard won. I don't really dwell on it anymore, but sometimes, especially on days like this, I'm reminded that there was a time when I wasn't certain I'd be celebrating Regan's third birthday. So, all the gifts aren't necessarily for the Birthday Girl; the mere fact that we have a Birthday Girl is a gift in and of itself.

And what a girl she is! This newly minted preschooler bears only a passing resemblance to the Zen Baby of a year ago. Last year, Regan was silent, rarely speaking above a whisper, and then only to a select few--her grandparents, her sister, me. Now, she is a boisterous chatterbox, full of ideas and almost always engaged iin a running commentary of her thoughts and actions. She used to be pathologically shy, unwilling or unable to interact with friends she saw nearly every day, let alone people she didn't know. These days, she happily chats with random strangers in the elevator and she delights in introducing me to her friends.

It's been a long time coming, this transformation from silent observer to boisterous participant, and like most incremental changes, it's happened so slowly as to be unremarkable, at least in the day to day living of our lives. The differences however, in who she is, and in how we live, truly are dramatic. I notice them, of course, but like all changes, they quickly get folded into the rhythm of our lives and, if not exactly forgotten, accepted as the norm.

I was reminded how far she'd come a couple of weeks ago, when I knocked her down at my nephew's party. Intimidated by the strange surroundings and the horde of unknown people, Regan had reverted to a longheld security measure and took up residence about an inch from my right leg. There was a time when Regan's position there was simply part of my own body awareness, when her presence was just a part of me, and I didn't even need to think about where she was. There was a time when I never would have knocked her down by turning too swiftly, forgetting that I would need to compensate for her. I would have just known she was there, hovering silently, and I would have instinctively moved with that awareness.

Those days are long gone. It began slowly, subtly moving farther and farther away to explore the world around her--trailing behind me at the mall, playing on her own at playgroup...baby steps for the Zen Baby. Now, Regan almost always occupies her own space, not mine. And so, I was unprepared for her presence at the party, unused to this quiet creature who I used to know so well. This shy child, looking up at me from where she'd fallen, was both achingly familiar and wonderfully foreign. I remember that little girl, so serious and silent, and even think of her fondly, but I don't miss her.

Happy Birthday, Regan! You've come a long way, baby! And I can't wait to see where you go next.

Comments

What a sweet post. Happy Birthday ZenGirl ;)

Hey there guys, sorry I have been so slack, been celebrating the birthday that I nearly share with your famous daughter.
I loved the video that was absolutely gorgeous, its awesome to hear about Regan's progress she is a beautiful little girl, you have every right to be proud of her

Happy Birthday, Regan! What a long and wonderful way she's come.

Happy (belated) birthday to your precious girl!

xxx

Happy Birthday!!! WOOT! :)

My baby is two on Friday. I cannot believe that she, and her mother, have come so far. And when I ask for a kiss, and she says "NOOOOO Mommy!", I cannot believe I ever didn't want her.

It goes far too fast doesn't it...

Delurking to wish your little one the happiest of birthdays and a wonderful year!!

What an adorable video! She totally brought a much needed smile to my day. :)

I just subscribed to iVillage and am thrilled to have found your blog. Although I requested a separation 16 months ago, my recently-turned-3 daughter and I are still living with my husband (very long story). I am petrified of officially becoming a single parent, but at the same time I long for the peace it will bring to my home. Thanks for sharing your encouraging words. It helps to hear that we can make it on our own, and that both Mom and Emily can flourish!

Happy Birthday Zen Baby!

She sounds like my daughter who recently turned four. Like you I am so rejoicing in her confidence and her chatter.