Dating by the Book

Roses are red,
Violets are blue
Even if I had a date,
I wouldn't know what to do.

I can't remember the last time I had a date. I certainly remember the last time I was asked, but I don't remember the last time I actually went out on a real date. The kind where you agonize over your outfit, take the time to do your makeup instead of just swiping on some lipgloss (if you remember), and have butterflies in your stomach over the romantic possibilities of the evening.

It's not really that great a loss; I was a terrible date--shy, awkward, and more than a little flustered by the whole experience--even before I had kids. Now, with Diva Girl and the Shaolin Toddler in the mix, I'm really not sure how I'd negotiate those waters. How I'd even go about finding a man, let alone juggling the dual demands of dating and diapers.

Rachel Sarah, on the other hand, has this whole area down to a science. From binders filled with potential suitors to a tried and tested first date skirt, she's boldly taken the bull by the horns and plunged into the deep end of dating while lactating. She writes about it all, the silly, the strange, the heartwarming and heartwrenching moments of juggling the dual roles of single woman and solo mom in her memoir, Single Mom Seeking.

For all of us who aren't sure about mixing playdates with blind dates, Rachel offers us an honest, funny, occasionally hot account of one mom's search for Mr. Right. So, for all of us whose big plans for Valentine's Day consist of ice cream for dinner, I propose a book club meeting instead. I propose that you go out, read this book, and then meet back here next week to talk about it (it's a quick read, I promise). As an extra incentive, Rachel Sarah herself has agreed to chat, to answer some questions for us about her experiences dating as a solo mom; I know that I for one, am looking forward to finding out how she does it.

Comments

Must be an interesting book! The only way I manage not to leave the house wearing drool on my clothes is to change two seconds before I leave. Balancing dating at the same time - that's impressive.

What is this "date" thing you speak of? LOL! Is it when you end up going out then realizing that you paid the neighborhood babysitter way to much for an evening that was less than mediocre?

I am a new mom, my son is four months old, but believe me, I can't even imagine going on a date. If I spend ten minutes on doing my hair each day, it's a miracle, and even when I try to style it, I end up with a ponytail within an hour anyhow.
Dating??? I don't know how solo parents do it. My life revolves around a very special guy, my son, and I can't imagine trying to divide that to someone else. In fact, I don't want to. I am sure that some day when my son gets older, I will want to date again, but like you Solo Mom, I was terrible at it. I don't even want to think about having to go there again.
When I found out that I was pregnant, I was ecstatic because it meant that I didn't have to even consider dating. I never felt so free! It was wonderful. And I still feel that way since I am taking care of a baby. But again, I am sure that too soon, I will start to think about the idea of meeting someone, and my happy little no worry about dating bubble will burst. Drat.

I'm dating a guy now that's wonderful except for his not wanting to take this "relationship" to another level. However, I'm a solo mom to a 2y/o boy and I don't even want my son around his own father -most times- let alone another man. I'm paranoid about it. I'm lucky to have found someone that understands my need for space. I can be a mother and then occasionally go out and enjoy myself. When I'm with this guy - I feel completely different: no kids, no responsibilities - just fun ... When I go back home, I'm a mother again - a tired one. The problem for me - how to combine the two worlds when I break out in hives just thinking of introducing my son to my guy.

I am a solo mom to a 13 year old daughter and a 2 year old son, seriously... time to date? Ha! With my schedule being the way that it is, if they are not available between 10 pm and 5am, I do not have time for them!

;-)

Thanks so much for the shout-out, just before Valentine's Day! I'm thrilled to hear from all of you.

I never knew how to date, either. Ironically, once I became a mom, I learned NOT to settle. I learned what really mattered. It took me a good two years into single motherhood to consider dating again.

I know that dating can be challenging.... Before anything else, I needed to get on my feet and feel good about myself. Are any of you in that boat?

I'd love to know about your networks: who is willing to baby sit? who supports you in the midst of all the emotionally charged world of dating? Friends? Family?

I look forward to chatting with all of you.

Happy "V" Day!
xo,
Rachel

I did the dating thing when I only had one child. That got me 2 children. Heh.

Not so interested in the dating thing, but the book sounds good. I'll have to see if I can get my hands on it!

Oh my God Kim! I've been talking to this girl through myspace this past week. What a coincidence that you've posted about her!!! I haven't even finished reading your blog post because I'm in another one of my "that's a crazy coincidence" shock right now!

Rachel Sarah you mean? She's pretty cool. I didn't know she had a MySpace. Then again, I didn't have a MySpace until I had to remind someone that it's not nice to steal other people's words last night :)

Read the book and let's talk about it with her. I think she's got some interesting things to say.

I have to agree with everyone who says, "dating??? What's in it for me?" I've got some prejudices and blocks about the whole thing, and like, Rebecca, a second child to boot :)

I'm a little in awe of women who can make the whole thing work. And defintitely puzzled by it all. Looking forward to talking to Rachel about it.

Well I need to order it but I can't today because I just bought a baby shower gift and a wedding gift spending a total of sixty bucks, so I'm going to have to wait until Monday...can we hold off a little while for the discussion? ESPECIALLY since I just met someone? (yessssssss...I"m still obsessed...I'll be obsessed until the dude calls me, which he got my number this morning).
Here's Rachel's myspace: http://www.myspace.com/singlemomseeking\

We can hold off a little bit. I talk to Rachel and we'll set up a date for an interview. I'll let you guys know by next week when you need to be ready to talk about the book--say 2 weeksish. Fair?

That sounds great! I'll go back and post it on the single mom board.

I'm in. Loren, the 13 year-old in my life, has forbidden me to EVER date, but I figure he might relax in a year or so.

But I'll order the book and start reading it. The book club won't include any racy kissing or the possibility of a sleepover with hot men, but it's as close to social as I can imagine getting -and likely far healthier.