The End of an Era

I never intended to be a co-sleeping parent. In fact, for the first two years of Diva Girl's life, I wasn't. She had her own crib in her own room and she happily slept there every night. Then came the toddler bed, and the end of bedtime as I knew it. Gone were the days of popping a sleepy baby into her crib at 7 pm, turning out the light with a cheerful "night night!" and then happily going about my business for the rest of the evening. Instead, I now spent what seemed to be all night, every night, trying to get Sabrina to stay. in. that. bed.

It soon became clear, however, that the only bed Diva Girl would sleep in was mine. I could have continued the fight to force her to sleep in her own bed--in fact I did for awhile--but. . . I'm nothing if not a pragmatic mama, and I realized fairly quickly that I cared a lot more about getting a good night's sleep than I did about where Sabrina slept. And after all, it's not like there wasn't enough room in the bed for her. It did get a wee bit crowded when we added the Zen Baby to the mix, until I had the brilliant idea of shoving Sabrina's unused twin bed up against my overloaded double. After that there may not have been much room to move around the bed, but there sure was more than enough room on it. I've tried a couple of times over the years to get Bree into her own bed, but no dice. Finally, I decided that she'd let me know when she was ready and left it at that.

The upside to this arrangement--aside from the uninterrupted sleep--was that I got to use the second bedroom as a playroom. It may not have kept all the toys out of the livingroom, but believe me, when you are trying to cram all the stuff accumulated by two very lucky little girls into a small apartment, every little bit of space helps. So, even though I wasn't planning on sharing my bed with a growing Diva forever, part of me was sort of dreading the loss of playroom square footage that would inevitably accompany regaining my bed. Until I discovered the loft bed, that is. A bed of her own for Diva Girl and the floor space; once again, what is not to love about Ikea?

Well, aside from that whole pesky assembly thing. We all know how much I love that. I have to admit, this time I wussed out and called in reinforcements: Faced with an overwhelming array of pictograms and parts, I asked my dad to do it. And not only did he put the bed together, he let the Ladies help. He let an overexcited 8 year old and her not quite three year old sister help put together Ikea furniture. The man is a saint. And the only casualty of the experience was a light fixture that I never really liked anyway.

It's a little strange, having a room to myself again after 6 years of co-sleeping. When I first looked at my bed, sitting all alone in the middle of my room, it seemed so small--lonely even. Sleeping in it, however, was another story; it felt huge. Empty, even. After so many nights spent sleeping with 2 warm little bodies pressed against mine, dreaming of the luxury of an entire bed to myself, I find myself tossing and turning all night, unsure of what to make of this new space. I think I'm lonely. I knew that moving The Ladies into their own beds would be a transition. I just didn't know it would be for me.

Comments

Oh, what a poignant post! Hope you will soon get used to sleeping alone (or they will get bored of the loft bed). And hooray for your dad!

Much as I would love to say that you will get over it... I have to admit that after only three years of co sleeping with big girl I am still going to sleep with a pillow stuffed in the other side of the bed and its been nearly two years since she got out of my queen bed!! On the upside occasionally they still need you and you will wake up wondering how on earth those warm and squiggly little people managed to get into your bed without you noticing!

A growing up moment for the ladies! Wow.

Now you have room for one of those big cushions with arms to lean against while reading in bed. And maybe an electric blanket to make up for the body heat.

You skipped some critical details! (Unless they were in a previous post and I should just go look...)

So Diva Girl has the loft bed, and you have your double. Where is Zen Baby?

And how did Sabrina let you know she was ready to move?

You'll get used to it. Start sleeping on the diagonal - just because you can. HA!

I didn't intend to co-sleep either, it just happened out of a need for convenience and as much precious sleep as possible. The 13 year-old is finally out, and likely preparing for years of therapy. I love the space so much that I can't wait to get Legs out of the other side of the bed. Then I will be free at last.

But they come back. When they get scared or sick, there they are. You won't be alone for always.

I featured part of this post on Blogging Baby for tomorrow. Hope that is okay. It is sort of an enticement to get nesters out of the nest feature.

No Mary P. you're right. I did leave some details out in the name of "flow."

One day a couple of weeks ago, Sabrina came to me and told me she thought she'd like to have her own bed now. At first, I was just going to push the two beds apart, but she made it clear that she meant her own bed in her own room. I'm not quite sure what prompted it, but my suspicion is that it's due at least in part to playdates. Invariably, when a friend comes to visit here for the first time, she looks around and asks Sabrina where her bed is. I think Bree hit the age where she doesn't want friends to know she still sleeps in Mummy's bed. Hence, the need for her own space.

Regan is in the dreaded toddler bed. As the consummate little sister, there was no way she was going to be left behind when Sabrina got something cool. So, her bed is under the loft as a sort of bunkbed. We're still working on her, since she's got some sleep habits that developed due to a combination of co-sleeping and laziness. She does stay--if she's

asleep when she goes in. Guess we have to start working on that now.

The big bed is ok once I'm sleeping. But I'll admit that I'm still having a little trouble getting comfortable at first with all that space--and I don't mind too much when a warm little body joins me at 5 am. So long as she goes back to sleep, that is.

Oh, man. We're in a very similar situation - after months and months of NOT co-sleeping, WB is in our bed. Nobody - not even WB - is entirely happy about this. Unfortunately, at 14 months, she's a bit too young for the loft bed.

Kimberly,
Love it!... This is how I finally got my girl into her own bed, too, after 4+ years of co-sleeping. Ah, the Loft Bed. She's known to climb down in the middle of the night and go back to mama, but at least she starts out on her own, and I get some stretching room... Thanks for such a thoughtful piece.

Its been six years and my little girl is still sleeping with me. I can't wait for her to move to her room. I guess she'll let me know.

I HAVE MY 21 MONTH OLD SLEEPING WITH ME AND MY 5 YEAR OLD HAS ONLY MOVED OUT ABOUT A YEAR AND A HALF AGO. IT IS HARD

Well my son is 7 and has his own room and will not sleep in his bed.. I have tried everything.. he says he misses me and he is scared.. I am now trying to PAY him a dollar for every nite he sleeps in his own room/bed-and he doesn't come to mine

I, too, shunned co-sleeping...until I was so sleep-deprived by my 6-m-o who could sit up in the middle of the night and not get back down. I, too, am a solo parent. I was a zombie at work. I gave up, plunked him in bed with me and began sleeping again. He is now 27 months. When the pediatrician asks if he sleeps through the night I say "yes" I just don't say where. He'll be out in the world sooner than I want to contemplate so, even though I sleep better alone, he can stay for a while.

Don't worry too much about where your kids sleep. I enjoy every minute I get to snuggle in with mine, even my great big lanky 13 yr old! I co-slept with all of my children on and off for the 1st 5 or 6 yrs of their lives. Eventually they let you know they're ready to move out on their own and when they do, its twice as special when they come back. Enjoy it while you can, it really is a special time and thing you can give your kids.

Oh gee the joys of being a Mummy! I feel for you!
I think I need to invest in a bigger bed myself... because I am so not enjoying the constant to and fro that I am doing with my 4 year old girlie.

& Don't worry add some pillows and you would get back to sleeping.