Dating 101

Creepy Neighbour Guy asked me out again.

I knew it was coming--we've been "accidentally" running into each other a lot lately, in the laundryroom, the elevator, the mailroom. The kind of encounters where a bit of casual conversation is required, where it would be rude to simply ignore him and go about my business, which is what I'd like to do. In fact, I try to, pulling my tried and true trick of making sure to involve the Ladies in conversation to avoid the encounter, but Creepy Neighbour Guy ignores my signals as studiously as I attempt to ignore his. I'm generally pretty clueless about these things, but not even I can mistake his interest; maybe it's the scent of desperation mingling with his cologne. I desperately want to avoid this situation. Avoid his interest. Avoid the moment when he finally works up his courage and makes his move. Again.

At least The Ladies weren't with me last time. Unlike this time. This time, they are milling about in the entry way, eager to see who has knocked on our door at 6 pm on a Wednesday (and no doubt hopeful that it will turn out to be the Pizza Man). It's Creepy Neighbour Guy, returning the mitten I lost in the elevator earlier today, and taking the opportunity to make his move.

Last time, I let him down gently, a polite yet kind refusal (I am, afterall, Canadian.) This time, I grasp wildly at a reason to explain my refusal. A reason that will put an end to this. A reason that does not contain the phrase "Creepy Neighbour Guy."

"I'm sorry," I hear myself saying. "I'm already seeing someone." I see the skeptical look on his face and realize he doesn't believe me. After all, the only man who visits this apartment on a regular basis always arrives carrying a pizza. And so, I find myself elaborating, "He lives out of town, so he's not around often. And when he is, he arrives pretty late and has to leave fairly early. You know, the commute. I'm not surprised you've never seen him."

"Well, you can't blame me for trying, " he says, accepting the lie.

"You have a boyfriend???"

Busted. I'd completely forgotten about Diva Girl, lured to the hallway by the possibility of the Pizza Man, and rooted there by the drama playing out on her doorstep. But at least, at nearly 8, she had the tact and the patience to wait until I'd closed the door to question me. Last year, she would have said it right in front of the guy.

(To be fair, I'm sure that Creepy Neighbour Guy is a perfectly nice man--in a potentially "he was such a quiet guy; no one ever would have thought" kind of way. But he's a weird sort of agressively milquetoast that just skeeves me right out. I imagine he's the kind of man who rather pompously orders for you in the restaurant, but has a limp handshake. And if I'm going to go to the trouble of getting a sitter and shaving my legs, the last thing I'm looking for is to spend the evening with a limp handshake kind of guy.)

Comments

Oh, dear. CNG is no good at all. I know him. He lived next to me when I left my baby-daddy the first time around. CNG looks nice and all, but he is just...creepy. And how did he know it was your mitten?

If a fellow doesn't arrive with a pizza or something else tasty in his hands, he is not good at all to have around.

Were you able to convince Diva Girl that you weren't hiding a boyfriend? Do tell! :)

I busted out laughing when I read this! It could have only been funnier if Diva girl hadn't waited. (Although mortifying for you)
As for CNG, trust your instints! And how did he know the mitten was yours? Are the girls the only children in your apt complex?

Diva Girl is a paragon of tact. I'm not convinced my 13-year-old would have waited till the door was shut.

"I imagine he's the kind of man who rather pompously orders for you in the restaurant, but has a limp handshake. "

ROFL!!! That sounds like my ex-boss. STEER CLEAR! Move if you have to. Guys like that terrify me!

Slimy is the word that sums those guys up. Definately believe your instincts, with two kids and a solo mum degree under your belt your instincts are better than a wild animal's.

ick. Creepy men.

Vivian would totally out me in front of the guy. And enjoy it.

Good job averting the enemy, Kim! Ick! And he lives in your building too...awful!

Now you'll have to have a guy friend show up some time just to reinforce, it, LOL.