Me Time

My mom gave me an early Christmas present this weekend: An entire evening to myself. More than an evening, actually; she took The Ladies for a spontaneous sleepover on Saturday night and didn't return them until after lunch the next day.

Best. Present. Ever.

When you're a solo mom, you grab your "me" time on the fly. Outnumbered with no backup in sight, nap time, the day care commute, an afternoon playdate become your sanity savers. These are the times when you catch a few minutes peace, attempt to impose order on the toys that seem determined to stage a livingroom coup, or maybe read a couple of pages of a book that doesn't contain pictures. It's a break, but it's an infinitely finite one; you always know that you're working on borrowed time, that your reprieve can be revoked at any moment--the baby will wake up, the bus will arrive at its stop, the kid will come home from her friend's hopped up on sugar and eager to share every moment of her time away. Times like these you may be technically off the mommy clock, but in reality, you're still on. Still listening for the first stirrings from that nap, still thinking about the kids, and what to make for dinner, and whether or not anyone still has clean underwear in the drawer. It's me time, but with a side of mommy.

When I left The Ladies with Gramma on Saturday, I felt like I left their Mommy there with them. My step was lighter, the air was sweeter, the world was filled with possibility. I felt free. Not that I don't love my kids, but they're work. A lot of work. And it's been a long time since I've had that kind of break. The kind that isn't born of any sort of situational need, but is just a break. The Ladies weren't with Gramma because I had a birthday party to attend or a work thing to do (don't even ask about a date. Seriously). They were just there because they wanted a sleepover and Gramma said yes. Leaving me with an entire evening to myself.

The apartment felt different without at least one of The Ladies present. Quieter. There was a stillness to it that is never there, not even in the silence of Regan's naps. At first I was positively giddy with all the extra oxygen. What should I do first, bask in the sweet silence, free of the dulcet tones of Ruby and Dora, or shatter it with music that definitely earned its parental advisory sticker?

Dancing around my livingroom, it struck me that it was 8 o'clock on a Saturday night and I could do anything I wanted. I could see a late movie. Go out dancing. Take a bubble bath without anyone lobbying to join me or taking advantage of my incapacitated state to make an unauthorized run at the cookies.

What I found myself doing, strangely enough, was missing my kids. They've become so much a part of me that not having them with me felt a bit like missing a phantom limb; their absence was a presence all its own. I'll admit I was surprised by that. The Ladies were with Gramma, safe, happy, and certainly not thinking about me at all, and there I was, unable to stop thinking about them. I even woke up at 5:51, the Shaolin Toddler's normal waking time, convinced that she was inconsolable, wailing for her mummy. (The little rat fink slept in until 7:30 without making a peep.)

I guess it just goes to show you that you can never truly separate the "mom" from the "me." But that doesn't mean that you shouldn't take full advantage of the opportunity should it arise. Lord knows I did.

Comments

I can never FULLY relax unless my kids are in a deep sleep or in another state.

It is so good to have a break. Yes, we miss them and are never completely sure what to do with our hands when they are not around, but it is so healthy to have that me time.

Yay for you, your mother and the Ladies.

Lovely.

I surprise myself with similar sentiments on an outing sometimes. Can't compare with how much more that you do though!!

Have I mentioned that you are my hero(ine), I have your page set as my home page and read it everyday. No its not one of those sick obsessions!! You are the first person I have ever not met that shows me I am still human. Stoopid I know but its been soooo long since I got that elusive break that I actually cried as I read it. Good on ya getting that time, hope you didn't do too much house work before you realised that it is your time!!

Good for you! I am so amazed by the single mom-ness.

A co-worker of mine took both of our kids to the movies on Saturday afternoon, and landisdad and I just sort of stood around the living room looking at each other for a while afterwards. It's eerily quiet in the house when they're not there.

Wow, it is so true!
I reach a complete blank when I realize I have to entertain myself without the kids.

OMG, I totally understand. I'm not a single mom, but my DH is gone for the majority of the day with work and school. Even weekends are just too busy to relax. I was so happy last weekend when my mom took the kids so I could get a pedicure and my solar set (haven't had one in almost a year). I'm so thankful for all the moms, sisters, and friends we all have to relieve us, even if it's just to take a shower.

I'm not a single mom, but I often times feel like one. I am so happy for you that you were able to get that much needed "me" time. Husbands/boyfriends/friends w/out kids don't understand the need for alone time. I use to feel selfish when I let the boys go for a play date, just so I could have a minute of peace, and I started missing them, and then I started to relish in the sound of SILENCE. As they say in the movies, SILENCE is golden...and I have learned that when silence presents itself to you, you should welcome it like a long lost friend and embrace it, who knows when you will get that chance again.

I had an hour to myself today and it was wonderful. I sat and read a book.

I was a single mom when I was married. He worked 80 hours a week, and then, of course, needed to go out with friends to unwind. Of course.

After the divorce, he had them weekends, and I had weekends off, something that had never, ever happened before.

We used to have a sitting exchange. Friends of ours with the same number of kids would take our kids for an overnight once a month, and we'd take theirs a different week. Could you arrange something like that? So each month, we got one night a week, child-free. Which I wasted going on a date with this dork. - But YOU wouldn't waste YOURS!! You'd revel in it!

Kimberly, I got the first day without Molly and work for the first time in Molly's life this past Tuesday, and although I had to vomit up all of my guts in order to get it, it was the most relaxing feeling in the world (well, post-barfing). I hope I get another day like that in the near future without getting sick in order to get it. > What bliss!

I have a four month old son (my husband and I's first) and I SWEAR that I hear him cry when he's not even at our house. It's very bizarre for me to not have him around and it completely feels like I have a piece of me missing when he's not around (he's usually at Grandma's). My husband and I have recently started to go and do things together and get a little "us" time which we LOVE, but it's still a little odd not to have The Little Man with us.