It's Just Not Fair!
Things have been going really well for Diva Girl at school lately. Her grades are good, she's been happy, and she even got the Friendship Award last month. Not too shabby, considering how we started this year.
There was a small bobble a couple of weeks ago when she announced that Heather was "losing friends." At first I thought that Heather was finally getting her comeuppance, and I'll confess that I didn't feel too badly for the Queen B. Turns out that Heather herself had decided it was time to lose some friends--seems she felt she just had too many, and needed to cull the herd. That part of the story made me roll my eyes. The part where Sabrina told her that it was ok if she didn't want to be her friend anymore, that she understood and would be sad but not mad, brought tears to them. The fact that Sabrina made the cut didn't really do much to change my opinion about the whole affair, but other than that incident, things have been so quiet that I stopped waiting for the other shoe to drop.
And then came the Christmas concert.
Guess who has a solo. For the third time in a row. And guess who isn't very happy about it.
It's a tricky situation. On the one hand, this isn't Heather's fault. For once, I don't believe her manipulations have much to do with the situation. Unfortunately, that doesn't change the fact that the music teacher has a habit of playing favourites, arbitrarily assigning the plum roles to the same students, year after year. It wouldn't be fair under any circumstances, but in a primary choir it seems to be a particularly odious practice. If ever there was a time to allow every student who wanted the opportunity a chance to shine, this would be it. After all, it's awfully hard to get across the message that you have to do the best with the gifts you have, even if sometimes that means shining in the chorus, when the kids see same people singled out every. single. time. As a teacher, I'd be very disturbed by what is going on here, even if my child wasn't the one singing the "it's not fair!" blues.
As a mom, I'm not sure what to do here. I do not want to be That Parent. You know, That Parent who is always complaining. The squeaky wheel parent who is convinced that without her vigourous defense, her child is destined to get the short end of the stick. That Parent who goes into to school and makes the teacher take the part away from Heather and give it to her child. That is exactly the parent Diva Girl wants me to be, though.
She wants me to "fix" this. And while I know that in her view, fixing it means telling the music teacher to give her a solo, I'm not sure that would really fix anything. Even if the teacher did bow to my will, it would simply be trading one injustice for another. And that's not fair to anyone.
Comments
some things just aren't fixable, sadly it just had to be "the Heather" who got the solo. You know what feels right for your own family but can I suggest that if it got "fixed by mommy" then could Diva girl deal with the social fall out? You just know that the other kids would find out and more than likely hassle her about it. Not to mention that the teacher is quietly satisfying his/her own need to be a bitch by manipulating the kids and would be extremely put out if you interfered!! am probly tellin you all the things you have already thought. but maybe its safer to encourage her to excell where she is until the teacher gets her "come uppance"
One day, a long time from now, Diva girl is going to read this blog and understand how much love and thought you put into every desision about her life. Although this isn't fair right now (and its really not) Diva girl has many other talents that you can help her excell in. Best wishes
Shittiest life lesson-that life really isn't fair.
But I've learned in my own life that I get what I want eventually, provided I'm willing to work and wait out the other bastards.
I'm not looking forward to this stuff at all.
My son is 11 and I've had many a conversation about what is "fair" and what is "realistic" or in other words...humans are not perfect and we don't always get what we want. Diva Girl will be a much stronger Diva as she realizes that she may not be as good in some things as others. And that when she really wants something, to get out there and give it her all. Even then she may not win, but it's not always about getting the prize. Most of our life lessons is about what route we took to get where we we are. As long as Diva Girl has loving parents and friends (Heather may not fall into that catagory) then I'm sure she'll forget all about this very soon.
As for the teacher...I've only stuck my nose into teachers business when I truly feel it needs to be there. (please note that is only twice in my son's 6 years in elementary). If the choir teacher is repeatedly this way, then it should be brought to the principal's attention.
