Substitutions
Thursday was a big day at our house. In addition to the arrival of the still nameless furball, Susan came back to town for a visit, and she brought the whole familiy with her. One of the things I love about being a substititue teacher is that I was able to take the afternoon off to hang out with them.
That flexibility of schedule, and the freedom it gives me to keep my priorities straight while still doing a job I love is the reason that I am in no hurry to return to a regular classroom. I've done the classroom thing, with the name on the door and the report cards and the pizza lunches and the bulletin boards and the coaching, and it's just not where I am in my life right now. I love teaching, but I don't love all the extras that go with it--the parents, the administrivia, the stress. Teaching is an incredibly stressful job, and it's one that doesn't end with the 3:30 bell. The students don't really leave after the classroom empties; they're still there in the lesson planning, the marking, and the emotional investment a teacher makes in her class.
When I decided to become a teacher, it was a very naieve, spur of the moment decsion. It was based not on a lifelong dream to be a teacher (I wanted to be many things when I grew up--a magazine editor, a writer, a paleontologist--but I don't recall any deep burning passion to become a teacher), but on what career I thought would be most accomodating to my imminent status as a solo mom. On my own and pregnant with Sabrina, I sat down and really thought about my options for the first time since calling off my wedding the year before. Teaching seemed like a logical choice: Pretty good pay, awesome pension, hours that would certainly suit--especially once the kid was in school--and no worries about what to do about school vacations. It wasn't until later that I realized that I love teaching.
It also wasn't until later that I realized how utterly naieve I'd been. Much though I love teaching, it's not conducive to the whole solo mom lifestyle. It seems like it should be, what with the easy hours and all, but that doesn't take into account all the behind the scenes stuff--the endless marking and reportcard writing, all of which are done during those huge chunks of free time I thought I'd be spending with my kid. I aslo hadn't considered the fact that having the same schedule as my child would mean, well, having the same schedule as my child. My parents brough Diva Girl to her very first day of school ever, and that's a piece of mommy guilt I'll be carrying around for the long haul.
Last year was an epiphany of sorts for me. I took Brina to school and picked her up. I attended numerous school assemblies and saw her read a poem for Remembrance Day, watched her deliver her lollipop speech in the gym, taped her class play, and was there when she got her "Proud Pick." I supervised fieldtrips and went to playgroups. I was really present in my girls' lives, and while I sometimes longed for the stimulation of work, I also savoured the relaxed rhythm of our family life. When it was time to look at going back to work this year, I realized that I wasn't willing to give that up.
Nobody goes to school to become a substitute teacher. In a profession that is defintely lacking in glamour lately, it's often seen as the least attractive option--the dumping ground for teachers who couldn't hack it in a "real" classroom. The reality is oftentimes a little different. Supply teachers have the same training as regular classroom teachers, and a far greater range of experience. Classroom teachers deal with the issues and personalities in one room; supply teachers take on those same issues and personalities in many classrooms. And where the regular teacher has weeks to build rapport with her students, a substitute has minutes. Plus, she's also often teaching outside her specialty area, taking on everything from kindergarten to calculus over the course of the week. These are all truths that I discovered when I became a substitute, and they're what I hold on to now that I've returned to that and have to see the looks on collegeaues faces when they ask what I'm doing now.
Last time I found myself on the supply list, it was because there were no fulltime jobs to be had. This time, I'm there because it's where I want to be. Really, it's the best of both worlds: I get to do something I love, but I also get to fully present in my kids' lives. I go into schools and teach my classes, but when the bell rings at the end of the day, I leave it all there behind me on the teacher's desk. And, when something truly important comes up (like a playdate with Susan), I have the flexibiity to make the choice to put my family life first and not go into work at all.
It's not the career path I envisioned when the stick turned blue and I decided to be come a teacher, but it turns out that it was what I was looking for all along.
Comments
I'm looking at my life in a similar way right now, not because i'm pregnant, but because I'm recently married to a foreigner. We decided to move to the States and he has to learn English, transfer his work skills, etc, and it may take a while to get him settled in a stable job. I don't know where my career path is leading. I LOVE TEACHING, but I'm not certified. I dreamed to be a professor. I may "end up" as a schoolteacher, and I'm certified as a sub. I just don't want to end up 9-5 shuffling paper. So thank you for your perspective on sub-ing. I may end up liking it more than I thought (if I get on an actual supply list).
Great post, Kim! I think you summed up very well the realistic side of being a teacher. Both of my parents were educators...my mom was home when we got home from school, but she wasn't when we left (my sister and I used to stay home alone and lock the doors behind ourselves when we left for school). The hours are definitely deceptive as to how serious of a commitment teaching is. It's awesome that you found a happy medium!
