Sticks and Stones and All That Jazz

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me!"

Yeah. Any kid who has ever been subjected to some serious teasing knows that that is a load of crap. Names hurt. And while they won't break your bones, they can break your spirit.

Sabrina is normally a child who sparkles. Her eyes shine, she has a ready grin, and she positively bounces with the excitement of being alive. Lately, though, she walks slowly, with her head down. The isolation is taking its toll on her. Plus, it seems that Heather's stepped things up by adding teasing to the mix. Now, in addtion to whispers of "crybaby," there are taunts of "pipsqueak" and mocking comments about the size of her shoes.

Yesterday she asked if we could move so that she wouldn't have to go to this school anymore. I won't say I haven't considered it as an option. In fact, I'd spent some time online checking out real estate in other school districts just the other day. But having my resistant to change, unwilling to live more than walking distance from her grandparents, daughter ask if we could flee from Heather brought home to me just how bad this has gotten. It also made me realize that moving was not the answer. Sure, it would take Diva Girl out of this girl's range, but there are always going to be Heathers; I could move her, but there's on guarantee that she wouldn't encounter another one at her new school. And it's a given that this one would simply pick a new target and continue along her merry way. Because that's what Heathers do. Unless we make a stand and put an end to them once and for all.

So I made an appointment with the principal. Given the unsatisfactory response I've had from the teacher, I was a little nervous about this meeting. But I've always been impressed by the school culture this principal has created, and we've always had a good working relationship in the past. Plus, our principal is a woman, and I was counting on the fact that she too was once a little girl on the playground would mean that she would understand what I was talking about.

Unlike Mr. G, the principal knew exactly what I was talking about. She listened to my concerns, agreed with me that it was a classic case of girl bullying, and promised to work with me to put an end to it. When I brought my concerns to the teacher, I felt condescended to and dismissed; in my meeting with the principal, I felt acknowledged and supported. The two meetings couldn't have been more different. From taking the problem seriously, to exploring possible reasons why Heather continues to target Sabrina (reasons that didn't focus on blaming the victim), to brainstorming possible solutions, the principal couldn't have been more helpful.

I've always had a lot of respect for this woman. She wears her authority gently, but with an unshakeable confidence. She has an expectation for "her" school, and is willing to put in the effort to foster the positive environment of her vision. She's the kind of principal the primary kids hug and the intermediate kids respect. She's also incredibly down to earth, as evidenced by her advice for how to deal with the teasing: No airy fairy recommendations to rise above it all and turn the other cheek here. Oh no. Her advice? Show Diva Girl how to give as good as she gets. Teach her a couple of replies that will stop Heather and her cronies cold the next time they decide to start mocking her size. She truly is a wise woman.

So, tomorrow when Heather, who wears a ladies size 3, comments on Diva Girl's child size 11 shoes, my girl is going to look her in the eye and respond, "You know, I'd rather be Cinderella than the ugly stepsister." I sort of wish I could be there to see it.

Comments

GOOD FOR YOU! Good for Sabrina! And what an excellent principal!! That's a great comeback you gave her - I do hope this works! That little girl does not deserve this.

I almost cried a little.

I hope the principal speaks to Mr. G as well. That man needs some education (and a swift kick). I hope this is the turning point for Sabrina. Have you coached her in what to do when Heather retaliates to Sabrina's comment?

An aside: until this year, one of my stepdaughters didn't realize that BIG feet were not an appealing feminine attribute, and had teased my daughter (kindly) about her smaller feet. Now that she realizes feet of boat-like proportions are not to be boasted about - my daughter's feet have suddenly grown huge! LOL

thats awesome, yes i also almost cried. not to mention wantin to hop on a plane and come over to help with the retaliations. I do hope the prinicpal takes a moment to educate all the teachers at her school about the insidious effects of girl bullying, im not sure how big your school is but I am sure there is more than one "Heather" out there. Good luck Sabrina we are all backing you!!

So glad to hear you found the principal supportive. The whispering campaigns are every bit as damaging as punches and kicks.

Love the principal's response! Let Heather have it...
And if it doesn't work, moving IS an option: my friend in primary school was bullied for 5 years. Then she moved to another city and another school, and somehow she blossomed! It was great to see, you wouldn't recognize her after 3 months in her new school. Apparently the move gave her the confidence to start afresh, which she could never ever ever have built up while being bullied. Now let us all think of some answers she can give Heather :)

Reading what is happening to her is making my heart hurt. I am sl glad the principal was wililng to work with you. Hopefully she will have a little talk with that teacher.

Your tactic reminds me of the one used by the girl in "Stepmom" to stop the boy from teasing her. Good for you for teaching her to stand up for herself. hopefully that will help undo some of the damage that brat has done.

Kimberley, have you seen that movie "Heathers" with Christian Slater and Winona Ryder? Too eerie. I hope that Heather gets a taste of her own medicine.

Little girls are she-beasts. But, despite the pain, your daughter will now know how to deal with these "girls" for the rest of her life. Because believe me, they're everywhere.

Nice to see a prinicipal with a brain.

Hooray for the principal!

I knew the principal would come through for you. I don't know how we would have made it through Grade 2 without her. I hope you don't have to see her as many times as I did!!
Is there any mention of getting Miss Heather's parents involved so this kind of behaviour can be stopped before it leaves the front door?
We are pulling for you, Sabrina and Regan.

glad to hear that your principle was understanding. Not all are like that and tell the child to just deal with it, which has been my experience