The Best Defense
I inadvertently offended a friend's father the other day. It absolutely wasn't my intent to do so, and in fact I didn't even realize I had until my friend mentioned it, but an offhand remark I made about my relationship to the state of matrimony left him deeply offended. While I'm sorry he interpreted my innocent comment to be a denigration of his 30 year marriage, I'm not sorry I made it. To be honest, I'd do the exact same thing again in similar circumstances.
What happened was this: We were having brunch and somehow the conversation turned to the question of why the third finger of the left hand is the wedding ring finger. My friend's 13 year old daughter, knowing that my lint trap of a brain is chock full of useless knowledge, asked me to clear up the question. My flippant reply, "I don't know. I try to know as little about marriage as possible," was apparently seen as an attack on marriage in general, and a devaluing of his in particular.
Let me be clear here that I am not anti-marriage. I have nothing against marriage per se. In fact, I firmly believe that marriage is an institution should be open to anyone who wants to experience it. I just have absolutely no interest in experiencing it myself. And I'm a little sensitive about that.
You see, we may very well be living in the 21st century, and statistics might support the idea that there are a heck of a lot of solo moms out there, but our society is still programmed to assume that all women are either married, or want to be. For example, a moms board I belong to recently added a "Single Moms" section. The first post? A married woman inviting the other married ladies to discuss where they'd met their "dh," the better to help all us old maids find our own Prince Charmings. Personally, I quite often get called "Mrs." at parent-teacher conferences, the automatic assumption being that if I have a child, surely I must be married. I've endured my share of well meaning friends trying to set me up on blind dates, unwilling to believe that I'm single because I choose to be, not because I can't find a man. I've heard joking comments about finding a rich husband to better support my children and, to be perfectly honest, I wasn't amused.
It's not that I don't respect my friend's father's choice to marry; it's that I often don't feel like my choice not to marry is given the same due. So, yeah, I guess I can be a bit defensive when it comes to the issue of marriage. And we all know what they say about a good offense, right?
Comments
oops...Can we maybe call it ironic and laugh about it in a few years??
While I'm sure it wasn't me who put up the 'old maid helpline' I did kinda create the area huh? Sorry...
Hey, know what though? I bet you're not the only one who could cheerfully deliver an eyejammie for it! You could always throw a couple of posts up to change the tone of the forum...
:-)
You n me both, sista! Not married, don't wanna be. No offense to the happily married, but the majority of married couples I know aren't thrilled with their choice, while I'm pretty content to be in complete control of my and my children's lives. I get Mrs. at conferences and of course when they find I'm single, people assume I'm lookin' for a maaaan. However, it's just not on my to-do list. Not now, maybe not ever. I've got nothing against marriage and like you, believe it should be open to any and all who want to experience it. I'm just not one of those who do.
And if one more person tells me that one day I'm going to find a man who will sweep me off my feet and treat me like a queen as I so richly deserve (note sarcasm there) I think I shall scream.
Hi i didnt think what you said about "I don't know. I try to know as little about marriage as possible," was wrong i dont see anyhing wrong with that statment! I have been mairried for almost 3 years now and i wouldnt change that for the world! Keep on truckin!
