Monday Morning Navel Gazing

I saw this over at Bumblebee Sweetpotato and decided to do it myself. It originated with Zoot of Miss Zoot.

1. Do your kids know about your blog? If they’re too young to know, do you plan to keep it open to them as they get older?

Regan is obviously too young to have a clue. Sabrina has a vague idea that Mama writes stuff on the computer for the internet, but I don't think she knows I write about her Divaesque tendencies and life in our Y-chromosome free household. I haven't actively kept it a secret from The Ladies, and I don't think I will.

2a. If so - do you worry they may get embarrassed later? What would you do if they asked you to stop writing about them? What would you do if they wanted you to take it down all together?

I'm pretty careful about walking a line between being honest and embarrassing them. So aside from the fact that at a certain age, I won't be able to draw a breath without causing them untold horror and humiliation I don't think they've really got anything to be upset about. I'm not sure what I'd do if they asked me to stop writing about them, but honestly, I don't think I'd be inclined to comply. On some levels, it would be like telling me not to talk about them with my friends, a demand I don't find to be particularly realistic. Plus, while I don't blog here with total anonymity--I use their real names and mine, and I've posted the odd photo--I'm not completely transparent (That name you get in bloglines or other RSS feeds, for example? Not mine.). So I don't think the "all my friends will see!" argument is valid. I do know that I wouldn't take it down. I don't think my children have the right to ask me that. It would be like demanding that the Diva Girl take down her own blog when I find out that she's been ranting about what a horrible mother I am (I'm under no illusions here.). I will request that she respect a certain level of privacy so that anyone who plugs her name into google (or mine) doesn't get an eyeful, but other than that, I think we both have a right to have our publicly private outlets.

2b. If not, what are you doing to make sure they never find it? What if they do find it?

I'm not going to make sure they never find it. If they do, they do. I've not written anything here I'm ashamed of or that I feel needs to be kept secret from my children. If they find it, they're welcome to read it and ask me questions about what I've written. Criticisms and alternate versions of events, however, will be off limits.

3. Do you think our kids will appreciate the archive of their childhood? Do you wish your parents had done the same?

I think so. Who doesn't like to hear the stories of their childhood? And with blogs, those stories are immediately captured in the moment, not distorted through the filters of time and memory. I have a number of posts from the time when Regan went through her tumour drama that I'm certain she will appreciate being able to read someday. She was far too little to understand the experience at the time, and the memories of it will fade until the only thing that remains for her is the scar that separates her belly. And yet, that experience is such a large part of who she is. With blogging, instead of simply telling her about it with the emotions muted by relief and distance, when she's old enough she can see what it was really like for our family to go through that with her.

I think I'd like to be able to have an in the moment record of my childhood, and the life of my family. Blogs are so much more than a simple narrative--they are shaped by the incidents that we choose to blog about and the reflecting we do on them. So more than a chronicle of the past, I think a blog would be a way to understand the other elements--the swirling dynamics and emotions of the real people who are your parents--that you don't have the opportunity to recognize in childhood.

4. Do you go back and re-read your past parenting milestones? Do you realize you forgot a lot?

I do go back and re-read. Sometimes I smile, thinking, "Oh yeah! I forgot about that!" Sometimes I just want to live in that moment a little longer. Last year around the anniversary of the Oncology Odyssey I found myself re-reading that entire chunk of writing. I found it really helpful in putting the past year into perspective.

5. What about your children’s friends/teachers/moms-of-friends? What if they found your blog? Do you tell your child not to tell anyone about it or are they free to talk about it? Do you worry their teachers or other parents will think it’s weird?

I've actually given this url out to some of my momfriends. As I said before, I don't write anything here that I'd be ashamed to look you in the eye and discuss, so it's really not an issue for me. I guess I worry that it might seem a bit weird, but just because if we're honest, it rates pretty high on the narcissism scale to start up a website just to talk about yourself and your kids--kinda like the Christmas Newsletter that just keeps on giving. But hopefully better written and more entertaining.

Comments

Great post, thanks!

I write all about my kids. My daughter, 19, posts responses on my blog. My younger daughter is tickled when I write about her, & my husband keeps reminding me that I promised to write about him, too! And my mom reads it, eeven when I warn her not to. Keep these posts for your kids. You'll be surprised how much they'll love seeing this unknown side of you.