Pop Goes the Diva
If you heard that loud popping sound around 1pm yesterday and were wondering what the heck it was, my apologies. That was the sound of one of my apron strings popping.
In my construction of single parenthood, there's no visitation. No "every other weekend and two weeks in the summer" type of arrangement. I'll confess that sometimes, when I've felt overwhelmed and utterly exhausted, I've watched my solo mom friends send their kids off for a weekend with Dad with a tinge of jealousy. But on the whole, I've been pretty content with the 365 day a year routine that's been my life for the past seven years.
It's not like Bree has never been away from me before. I've left her with Gramma and Grampa for the odd weekend over the years, and when she was three my parents took her with them on a ten day trip to the east coast. Even now, four years later, I'm still hearing about Peggy's Cove . She had a blast, and honestly, so did I. Sure, I missed her, and it was a big step to let her go, but I was also pretty confident and unconcerned--afterall, she was with my mom and dad, people who had literally known her for entire life.
Yesterday, Sabrina got into a van and headed off on fabulous adventure--a weekend of camping in one of the province's nicest provincial parks. Without me. Or any family member. Even though it's only a four day trip this time, I somehow found it harder to let her go.
It's not that I don't trust who she's going with--I'm very confident that this woman will take very good care of my Diva Girl. Afterall, she's our babysitter as well as our friend. And I have no worries about Diva Girl's behaviour--well, not many. It's just that I've never sent my baby out into the world like this before.
I know that she'll be fine. Better than fine, even. And that she'll come home filled with excitement, stories, and probably pinecones she's picked up along the way. But it's hard. It's another step in the slow process of my daughter slipping out of my grasp to create her own life. It's a good thing, really.
But I still want to squeeze her harder, not open my arms wide to the world. Hence the "pop."
Comments
I wandered into ivillage for thr first time tonight. I too am a solo Mom for my little man. He's two. Your blog was so refreshing. None of my friends understand the 365, Dad who's not there. It was nice to here that you too can be a bit overwhelmed at times. Don't get me wrong I would not change this for the world but every once in a while I do wonder what it's like to have coffee with the grown-ups. Oh well, back to picking up the toys before doing my dishes. Thanks again. You've inspired me.
Tracy (Mom a 1 amazing little man)
Hi there. I know just what you mean by this. My DS is now 10 going to be 11 yo soon. This past summer he went on a 4 day camp in the hills without me (over 2 hr drive from me) and this last weekend went camping again with out me. It does get a bit easyer as the days/weeks/months go by. But i look at my now 10 yo and wonder how he got so old and so big so fast.
Yeah, my daughter went away for several days last summer with my mom, and it was an alternately heart-breaking and heart-filling series of events. Good luck!
I totally understand. I probably would have fashioned her with two cellphones so that I could constantly keep in touch. They really grow much faster than we are ready for them to. Hope she had a great time.
I definatly understand. I had to leave my son for the first time with my mother. I am a single parent in the military and Im on a 6 month deployment.
