A Most Just Verdict

There's been a lot said this week about the Andrea Yates verdict. I debated jumping into the fray because that sort of political commentary really isn't what this blog is all about. But what it is about is being a mother, and the trials and triumphs that that entails. So I decided to heck with it. My thoughts on the verdict are relevant because this is an issue that I think is relevant to all mothers.

I am thrilled with that verdict. I thought the initial sentence was a travesty, and that this is the most just outcome possible under the circumstances.

Yes, she did it; she chased down and methodically drowned her five children. She has never claimed otherwise. But she didn't do it for love or money or vengance. She did it because she was sufferring from a severe, untreated psychosis. Not merely intense depression, which can be crippling enough to a mother. Psychosis. Horrific though it is, I can totally believe her chasing them down and then laying them out one by one. Because she was psychotic . It was an awful thing, but really, I feel it was at least as much a tragedy for her as for everyone else. Because she was denied the help she needed, because she was dismissed and belittled and made to feel like she didn't matter, like her very real, obviously dangerous illness was simply a ridiculous display of self-indulgence, she will now have to live with the knowledge of what she did for the rest of her life.

Personally, I think her husband shuld be charged with something. He played a huge role in creating the situation that lead to this. I find the fact that he's allowed to simply move on and begin creating a new family deeply offensive.

He refused to allow her to take medication for her PPP. He refused to take measures to limit their procreation, insisting that she bear as many children as she possibly could in spite of the fact that her doctors made it clear that she was not psychologically capable of positively dealing with the hormonal stresses of pregnancy and childbirth. When she recognized that she was teetering on the brink and checked herself into a psychiatric ward, he promptly dismissed her concerns and her illness and checked her back out. He insisted that she homeschool the boys, effectively trapping her inside her worst nightmare all day. He isolated her, moving her to a remote trailer and controll ing access and support to her. Andrea Yates' faulty brain chemistry created this nightmare, but her husband's presumably lucid mind gave it life. She might not have been in the right mind to know what she was doing, but he sure as hell was. And yet she is the only one on trial.

I remember this case vividly because Regan is the same age as Mary, the Yates' youngest child. I remember the horror at the the thought of what had happened to those poor children, and I remember the demonization of Andrea that followed. The media spin and much of the righteous talk on the playground was about what a monster the woman clearly was, to have committed such a heinous act. I think some of the cry for blood was because Andrea Yates is everyone's worst nightmare--she forced people to confront the dirty little secret that motherhood is not all sunshine and rainbows.

Sometimes you hate your kids. You love them desperately, but sometimes you want to climb the walls because they are eating your brain. Sometimes you maybe even, in the darkest reaches of your soul, want to drown them in the bathtub. But we don't do it, because we know those feelings are fleeting. Because we are not crippled by the chemicals running through our brains.

But if we're honest, I think we do understand the impulse, and I think that frightens people. They need to make Andrea an abberration in order to continue on with the fantasy that everything is fine and mothers are infinitely patient women who adore all children with their every breath.

Motherhood is hard. Exhausting and soul draining even on the good days. Personally, I look at Andrea Yates with compassion and pity, understanding that there but for the grace of brain chemistry and hormonal balance go I.

Comments

Sorry, but I think you're wrong. She could have chosen to take her own life instead of 5 innocent children. There is NO excuse.

Thanks for your post. You're right on the mark. Why isn't the husband charged?
I wish we lived in a society where mental health was deemed as important as physical health, and where we could create "villages" to raise our children. When such a tragedy occurs, we're all responsible.

just what I was in need of today, yes sometimes my darling little boy makes me nuts, like today but luckely for me and for hem I am not Mental health is not looked upon as physical problems and this causes big problems for those who sauffer from it

It is scary to think that this could really happen to so many of us. The dealings we have as parents, whether single, or in a partnership, can be very strenuous. It is so sad that many of us do not have someone, to help us, and back us up. Todays society has made it impossible to discipline children, and when they misbehave out in public, we still get thoroughly judged. U can unconditionally love your child but still need help! I feel for Andrea. Too bad someone didnt love her enough to see what she was going through, and step up to her defence.

You're absolutely right- it's a sad society when the husband, who, in my opinion, was primarily responsible for the death of his children- gets away and looks like the good guy

Thank you, thank you. You expressed that perfectly.

I agree with you wholeheartedly & commend you on expressing what 'could' be an unpopular opinion! I think it's difficult for people to consider the validity of any mental health defense because it HAS become misused in many circumstances. As a result, I think those that were quick to judge her so harshly did not give her history enough of their attention. And you're right...no one seemed bothered at all (despite her hospital stays & her Dr.'s opinions)that her husband took no responsibilty with respect to either the pressure he put on Andrea OR his childrens safety! At the VERY LEAST he should have been charged with some level of neglect - and that's being kind. If I sound a little too passionate, I apologize. It's just that I've dealt with clinical depression off & on for several years and know what it feels like (and looks like when brain chemicals are out of whack). Again, I don't buy into most of the mental health defenses used, but Andrea's case was clearly legit. I hope she finally gets the help she needs!

I fully agree with your viewpoint on this issue.

Mental illness is something that needs to be discussed more in the public arena, something that more people need to learn about.

The first poster said that Yates could have chosen to take her own life instead of her children's, psychosis does not work that way. Decisions that people suffering from psychosis make may not seem rational to us, but at that time when that decision was made, it would have seem like the most rational decison in the world, regardless of consequences.

It is unfortunate that her husband put her in a position where her mental illness was exacerbated, and not in an environment where she could get help when she needed it most.

thanks for posting. i whole-heartedly agree with you!